… for being loyal while I was on hiatus!
Ever since my mom found the Maxine greeting card from Hallmark that read, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, come sit next to me,” it has been our motto. Shoot – why the hell not? I mean, snarky gossip is twice as awesome as eaves dropping which even better than people watching which obviously trumps US Weekly… and everybody loves US Weekly, so I think I’ve made my point!
So where is one to get their fill of stuff they shouldn’t hear? Well, I’ll tell you… cuz I’m a giver… rated by inappropriate excellence:
- FML (F-My-Life): Where every day folks share the stories that make them say, “F-My-Life!”
- Fireland on Twitter: A dude named Joshua Green Allen who’s one-liners will make you more uncomfortable than watching Borat in NYC’s Diamond District.
- Texts From Last Night: A collection of texts that prove your friends have your best interest at heart when they take your phone away from you at the end of a debaucherous night.
A gigantic kitchen in an undisclosed office in the SoMa district of San Francisco.
A handful of coworkers are hanging out while preparing their breakfast around the center island of the kitchen. Two female coworkers get to reminiscing about how their mothers dressed in the 80’s. One coworker told a story about how her mom used to wear muu muus big, flowing, colorful, butterfly dresses… but admitted that they were living in Hawaii at the time so it was pretty normal. Another coworker added to the conversation,
“Do you know what’s worse? My mom used to wear that stuff too and we lived in AMERICA!”
Four-top table in preppy, non-Chinese, Chinese food restaurant called Dragon Well on Chestnut Street in the Marina District of San Francisco.
Cute-as-a-button little girl… three years old to be exact… coloring with a crayon on a two-page coloring book that Dragon Well provided her to keep her grubby hands out of mischief entertained. Her dad is sitting next to her with another crayon and is pretending that he doesn’t understand how to color by holding the crayon all wrong, to her amusement. Then the little girl says…
Up Yours, Daddy!
This comment was completely innocent… she wasn’t telling her father off (that will come in 13 more years) but rather instructing him to “up” the crayon in a vertical direction so the exposed end could touch the paper. Don’t kids say the damnedest things?
The San Francisco Bay Area local traffic station that reports for The Today Show.
A respected, local traffic reporter with a straight face, mind you, reported,
“…there is a back-up [on the freeway] due to a porta-potty in the number 2 lane.”
In the fantastically beautiful, mega-wealthy Presidio Heights district of San Francisco in front of the neighborhood Starbucks.
Two well-kept high school (maybe college) girls dressed in designer preppy outfits. Girl One – has lit cigarette hanging dangling from mouth while she attempts to light Girl Two’s cigarette. Girl Two – pulls cigarette out of her mouth and looks at the tip to check if it lit and says:
“Is this thing on?”