Tag Archives: sex

Claps for Apps – II

Although iPhone apps aren’t the reason I switched to an iPhone, they are quickly becoming the reason I haven’t switched from the iPhone!  For my second installment of Claps for (iPhone) Apps, I bring you…

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Passion:  With the new iPhone Passion application you can “rate” your lovemaking – in real time (without the help of an audience)!  By strapping the iPhone to arm or belt, users are rated on duration, activity and orgasm by using the iPhone’s timer, microphone and motion sensor.  Feeling competitive?  Track your results by uploading online and comparing with other couples.  For the love…!

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Wednesday’s Urban Word of the Week – Elevator List

Definition:  A list of all the people that you’re allowed to have sex with if you ever get stuck in an elevator with them.

I’ll show you mine my list if you show me yours…

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Sex Sells… Label Whores

Diesel XXX is throwing a massive 17-city party on Saturday, October 11th.  But that’s not my point because well, who cares?  What’s interesting is the short they created to promote it. 

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Wednesday Urban Word of the Week – Swamp Donkey

Definition:  A hard-up very unattractive girl that hangs around in bars/clubs waiting to sexually assult males who are too drunk to defend themselves or know better.

Question – Is this where the term “swamp ass” came from?

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TGIF September 29th!

Not only is it Friday, let alone the Friday before a three day weekend… but today is also the day that Night of the Giving Head, a “zombie porno” movie, is being released.   Yeah, you read that right… a zombie porno.

Obviously this peaked my interest, um… bad choice of words, I mean ‘left me with questions’.  The following is the first line of the press release on AVN and I think it pretty much covers it.

Half-naked zombie girls surround a hilltop house, pounding on its plate glass windows and screaming for “more cum, more cum.”

This is not a joke… although admittedly funny.

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Bottoms Up!

So there is this theory that bikini-clad babes, sex and/or the combination of the two is the special sauce when it comes to marketing beer…

I have no comment on the theory… however, I would like to open the floor to the following questions:

  1. Is “missionary” making a comeback?
  2. Is swinging the new black?
  3. Is the subliminal message, “once you go black you never go back” or did I over-think it?

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I AM SPAM – IV

I would love to get my head out of the gutter… oh wait, no I wouldn’t… which is why I bring you the fourth installment of I AM SPAM.

  • Nothing beats a huge stick – except perhaps a bigger stick…
  • Attract woman like flies with our new penile shaft elongating pills – I believe the saying being referenced is “like flies on shit” which raises all these questions for me…
  • Email Subject:  Have sex till you drop  Email Body: I enjoy sleeping around and the women enjoy my company – WOW – these pills can actually give men manly-bits AND a personality… what’s not to like?!?!

SPAM is nothing but a dirty, four-letter word… isn’t that awesome?

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I AM SPAM – III

If it takes three things to make a trend, then I think we are on to something with my third installment of I AM SPAM…

Janet Nelson is turning penis enhancement SPAM into something for the whole family… good, clean, cartoon fun.

 

And for the academics, there is SPAM is Poetry dedicated to turning authentic spam into prose.  The About page says the site is “a collection of desperate cries for attention from the marketing gutter.” 

I guess, I don’t believe in the Ferber Method.  Do you?

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I AM SPAM – II

More sexual spam that arrived this morning…

  • Stop being a loser – this is a given
  • The best way to stripe a woman – I have to assume he forgot to hit spell check on that one…
  • Never been a real good lovemaker – clearly intended for all those fake good love makers out there
  • Study shows woman love bigdigg – I am impressed with the R&D that went into this product… SOLD!
  • Your maid will be please like with no one else before!  – P.S. She is totally fired!

Come on NoticeThings readers… I know you must have received some dozies!  Send them my way so we can share with the world! 

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Filed under good times, I AM SPAM, marketing, Reality Check, trends

I AM SPAM

Thanks to a way-too-easy work email address, I get a ton of spam.  Which would normally be annoying except that the subject lines are ridiculous.  So ridiculous, in fact, that I sent one around to my coworkers at which point my boss kindly pointed out, “You are the only person I know that would forward sexually explicit spam to her colleagues”.  ‘Nuff said… bad call… but my mistake is your good fortune because now I am just going to blog about them.

I present you with my spam subject lines, in no particular order:

  • Bomb her womb from your huge cannon!  – (which survey says should actually read, ‘bomb her foxhole with your huge cannon‘ but who am I to edit?!?)
  • A key from her bedroom is in your pants  – (what does that actually mean?)
  • Explore her deep mole hole more  – (really, a ‘mole hole’?  wouldn’t that mean your penis has never seen the light of day?  and is the word ‘more’ really necessary?)

If you have seen any that should be on this list, please let me know!

 

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